Everyone has the right to be happy.So do I.I have to be happy if I want my loved one to be happy.

I was very surprised to know that I have a right to become happy
when I was a teenager reading a textbook on ethics.I knew and believed
that my parents want us to be happy which I felt was quite heavy to me.
I hope everyone to be happy,otherwise I cannot be so.

I was terribly depressed yesterday and the day before yesterday but
I could laugh at something my son said last night.What sort of thing he said I can not remember right now.But I was helped.Thank god.

I am not always an easy one to be with that I really have grown to know.

I pray to god from my heart that i may become easy to be with another.

Let me know that I do not have to be afraid of being hurt by hurting
another.I pray to god from my heart that I do not have to hurt anyone.

I would like to know what to do how to do in order to be harmless.

It is quite stupid of me to think of myself as a harmful one.I am harmless indeed.

If everyone was very good life might be not so interesting.Someone
said bad one is needed too.We are fascinated by the devil by nature.
My husband might be not so good a man for me because I can not be free from him when he was angry at me if I was thinking of him as a toy.
I can not treat anyone as a toy.
I can not be so bad as my tutor said I could not be so bad.I wanted to play cheerfully with someone that was all.

I was so strangely emotional to my husband this morning I wonder if
he likes me.I am sure he often hates such a selfish woman like me and yet it might be quite hard for us to be separate from each other,which
I feel is never reasonable to both of us.I am always surprised by the fact that he is ok about sex whenever I need him,which is quite unbelievable to me.
I hear that sometimes it is very natural that a lot of middle-aged men become depressed. There seems to be so many women who are lonely as men that I understand such a nice man like him might be needed not only by me but also by other men or women.Once I was free like a flying bird before but I am quite mortal now at last being afraid to love a man so much.I fear to need him imagining how painful it should be to be separated from each other once one grows to need another.
I get unbearably jealous when I come to love someone and I sometimes
exhaust him or her completely.So I have escaped from the word of love.
But love should not be such a small thing as one like me foolishly fancies but that must be a much greater being than I recognize so I donot have to be so afraid of that at all.

If the stork gave my husband and me the third baby, he or she might have looked like me so I imagine.My brothers are much better than me but I seemed to worry
my parents so awfully as I could not understand why.
I was fearless about my first pregnancy and I believe in my first
daughter's happy future.I am not very anxtious about my son neither
at the moment.
I will never be afraid of the third one with a determination to fight
it.The third one I instinctively feel might look quite selfish.
But my husband might be more selfish than myself although I have thought of him as an angel.

My husband and son had good breakfasts this morning.
I was pleased to hear that my son could choose the brass band club at school.You must go to school early to practice every morning to be
the club member.This is quite an advancement for a sleepyhead boy like
him.I thank you very much.
I am afraid that I might become a difficult mother-in-law.
Is next year devil's joke?
I would like to seek my own hobby or lifework aside from bringing up children.

Oh!I almost forgot I had been determined to clean my rooms for an
hour or so early every morning.I will do that from now on.

My daughter's father said that they said that children had been
brought up not only by their parents alone but also by other people
which words relaxed me very much.I often let my child alone but I think that it was very fortunate for me and my children to be able to rely on other people completely at times.Otherwise,I might have killed
myself or my own child.I should not forget that many people helped me
so much.The world has helped me very much.

I could not understand so much about the significance of playing the game.My children's fathers taught me that because they risked their social lives to me.I am responsible.

If you are troubled and very tired you had better leave your child to another person than to kill him accidentally.

I was very fortunate I could rely on other people.It is very important
for mothers to rely on other people.
I would like to be more useful to other people.I want to be sensible
of the troubled one's needs.

I hope my children to be able to ask.I hope especially for my daughter
to ask.I was very impressed to read her asking me if I never happened to think of her father as much unhappier than myself.I had so many dreams of her father's at nights I could not love another man really.I was very happy to face her anger.She is my precious daughter.She is very good.She is very truthful.I have come to love my own husband recently quite gradually.

If there is not mercy then I can not see hope.I myself want to be
merciful and flexible.

God bless the poor mother who had to kill her own child which is
very sad.She was very unlucky.Accidental.

It is also very sad to know that the young daijiro kato has passed
away.

I think if there is no heaven after death I cannot be hopeful.
So I believe in the existence of heaven where you can see your loved
ones again sometime in future.

I wonder if one of my husband's sperms could meet my ovum today?

Let us survive SARS.Let them survive.

I had a stubborn nature in myself.I would rather be perseverant.

I have long had the impression that keeping a domestic accounts book tends to push the expenses up.You do not have to spend so much money
if you are depressed and dare not have much hope.This, however,is not
a healthy state. You should not be so frugal as to become unhealthy.

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