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I say razz you go!
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It is variously and H.P. was left in about one year. Since the number of accesses has become fewer, I want to make it a character after a long time. Being the days for which it gropes as usual, and also being read by people UZAI it came that it was and it was also becoming troublesome to make one's feeling into a character and to express it, furthermore it parted from the past, escaped and was alive. But many subjects which must be done still more occur. . . Erase the past photograph and get tired with human relations, and move and change the number of a cellular phone, and the place in which it changes and lives here and there, and a company also needs to leave them. Also wanting to curse one's life, and to shed tears or to die, if it gets tired with life and it lapses into self-abandonment, and people's kindness feels it transparent, and reacts to its language to depreciate sensitively or dives becoming human depression it is a fact that self-expression became impossible and into a bed late at night . If born again, I will want to become a shellfish. He is me who can do only the constantly negative way of thinking. It is permit like a tranquilizer to make suffering of one into a character and to express it. That I can sleep well seems to be the point for the time being still more. It became impossible to write not much the pleasant thing done for thing impression here. The renewal of next may become one year after again. いろいろありまして、一年近くね、ここのＨＰを放置してたのですよ。 アクセス数が減ってきたので久し振りに文字にしたいと思います。 相変わらず模索する日々でして、人に読まれるのもウザくなってきて、 自分の気持ちを文字にして表現するのも面倒になってきてしまいまして、 過去と決別して逃げて生きてました。 でも、まだまだやらなければならない課題はたくさんありまして。。。 過去の写真を抹消し、 人間関係に疲れて携帯の番号も変えて、 住む場所もあちこちに移動して変えて、 会社も辞めて。 人生に疲れて自暴自棄に陥って、 自分への卑下する言葉に過敏に反応したり、 人の親切が白々しく感じて人間不振になったり、 自己表現ができなくなったのは事実でして、 夜更けに寝床へ潜っては自分の人生を呪って涙したり、 死にたいと思ったりもしました。 生まれ変わるなら私は貝になりたいです。 相変わらずネガティブな発想しかできない私でして。 自分の苦悩を文字にして表現するのは精神安定剤のようなものでしてお許しを。 私が安眠できるのはまだまだ当分先のようです。 楽しかったこと感動したことって、ここではあんまり書けなくなったんですよね。 次回の更新はまた一年後になるかもしれません。 |
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